Beat jokes

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

Make like a drum and beat it!

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!

Guys, put more comments in.

We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.

Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.

I caught my wife cheating on me.

I beat my son and grounded him.

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!

How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?

Skelesore.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

A man with a drum.

"Well, tell him to beat it!"

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.

I don't beat up midgets.

That would be punching down.

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?

"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"