Beat jokes
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
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What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?
A cypher circle.