One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
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Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
