One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
Guys, put more comments in.
We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?
A cypher circle.
