Beat jokes

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

Make like a drum and beat it!

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

I don't beat up midgets.

That would be punching down.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.

A pedophile and a priest run a race.

You can’t beat yourself in a race!

What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?

"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.

How does a rapper pay for his groceries?

With a SICK FLOW of cash!

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.

What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?

A cypher circle.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

A man with a drum.

"Well, tell him to beat it!"