When I was a kid, my hamster died so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death too
Q. Why did sally get beat up? A. She couldn’t fight back.
Look a orphan lets go beat em up
Q: what do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: we can always rearrange your liver 😏
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse but I beat her to it
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What’s the difference between Issac Newton and my Dad? Issac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench
I wa finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve. Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer
1. If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting
10. Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya
12. Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented
Skedaddle skedoodle, imma go beat my noodle.
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper ...
''Woman beats off Rapist in carpark'' ,
I suppose that was a fair compromise !
roses are red, violets are blue, I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe
I beat up my twin friends with a plane
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage
make like a drum and beat it
There's nothing else that can beat up dog
What's up dog?
Just my depression!
What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad my stepdad did it beat cancer
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully of him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying "I fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease. Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents. " Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white." The mother rushes the boy to the hospital while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm. "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" He exclaims. The wife looks up at him. "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection."
