When I go to bed… my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick… and beats me with it.

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.

I Was Hiting My Hand And My Mom Asked Me What Am I Doing I Said Im Beating My Meat

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can’t beat it! What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph! What is Santa’s favourite breakfast? SnowFLAKES! What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

If you ever bored, beat up an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Dear Hearing People. We, deaf people, ain’t dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some 💡 awareness that we can understand you 💯 meanwhile we laugh at you 🤡 We Can even dance via vibration through music. Do you know the song W lyric like this 👇 *white b… accent: Ohhh… MY God BECKY… L👀k at her butt. IT is SO BIG. BIG BEAT DROP I…LIKE…BIG…BUTT…I cannot LIE 👻 I promise we ain’t ghosting around - Brittany Rose

q:what did the sign say on the whore house a:beat it where closed

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg

Your grandmother died cuz she fell on the highest floor of the hotel your grandfather died cuz he got shot by saving your mother if he didn’t save your mother you wouldn’t be here You grew up in a world full of virus you wanted the virus to be gone there’s only one way But you have to know it I can’t tell it for you Your mother got the Covid-19 you prayed and prayed all night hoping that she would be okay the next day the doctors went to your house without your mother you asked “Where is my mother?!?!” The doctors said “Your mother is gone,so we came here to tell you” the doctors left. Anither hour you were thinking while crying “Why was my pray not working?,Lord why’d you let me down?” You searched on Google “How to bring back the dead” the Google workers declined it.your father left you cuz he loved another girl Your brothers are still with you but what do they get the virus? Who will be with you? Don’t forget Jesus is still there for you don’t give up keep going and you will succeed soon you will find your own family and beat the coronavirus

“TINY HANDS, EVEN TINIER BRAIN”

(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic :

…“Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man ? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . “I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that’s synonymous for being fucked up, for instance”…

STUMP : TEENY DICK

BUMP : TINY TIT

GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

MUMP : A FUCKED UP CHILDREN’S DISEASE

LUMP : IF IT’S MALIGNANT, YOU’RE KINDA FUCKED

UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

RUMP : AN ASS

DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

PUMP : SEE “HUMP”

. . . and last, but definitely not least –

JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL !!

… “Well that’s about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse !! …(splort!, plop!)… OOOOPS !! … sniff,sniff … Ewww !” (audience roars) “Fuhhhhk !.. I better go, 'cause I just went !! … Ha! ha! ha!”

…“Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen ! Good Night !!” …

(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin’, guns poppin’)

“OH LORDY !!.. HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN’ THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!”

(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi……….with the windows down) …Amen.

How do you beat lady gaga at Texas hold’em?

Poker face

Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up. I mean honestly, what are they going to do tell there parents? 😂😂

What made his beats so bad His name

why did aarons dad beat him… becasue he tensed his ass

I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was," Act like your hard but your dad beat you harder."

Why do the cheetahs always beat ya? Because they beetah.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg but you can’t beat a wank

Shat’s the diffrence between depression amd a girl? XXXTentacion cant seem to beat depression.

why do i call my dog a vibrator?beacause every time my dog acts like a dildo,i beat him, and when i beat him,he shakes.what do you call a shaking dildo?A vibrator,therefore i call my dog a vibrator.

101 pedo jokes whys everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, its called women taking advantage, youl shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo’s who dont admit there like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why dont you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, ive been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, i know whats going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jelous coz your drink tastes like shit?, is it coz your shit though?, how many bids have you done?, shit 1million views, dont try bribe me, did the police give me snip?, hows my barbie doll or shall i say my little pony? the police beat fuck outta me, whats all these needle marks on my arm, i can tell you want something, whys everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web,

keep it going on lol

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