Asked jokes

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."

"Then how about Karaoke?"

To which he replied, "I have two left throats."

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

I saw an orphan and asked them if they had parent permission.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

What did the orphan say when his mum asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

He replied, " "

The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

Someone asks a question: Who? Who asked? Boom, you"re done xxx.

Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!

An apple walked into the clinic.

The doctor asked what his favorite color was.

The apple said "red." :)

Ask me who Joe is.

Who is Joe?

JOE MAMA!

A horse walked in a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"

Your momma's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean.

A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"

"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."

"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"

"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"