Argument jokes

A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"

I walked towards him.

"I prefer slit," I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.

Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

"You're the bomb"—a compliment in the USA.

An argument in the Middle East.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.

The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"

One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"