My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"
The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?
You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...
When your friend gets involved with someone it affects the friendship when ever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend ,we should say I looked like the person you used to know but I've been modified to survive in this relationship if we have an argument and she's there I might disagree with you I'd rather countinue to see her naked.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
Coffee has been the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? Because they had beef with each other.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
