Ares jokes
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
Roses are red, fishers are fishing,
I really hope you’ll be reported missing.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
What flowers are on your face?
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
An Indian, an African, and an Arab are jumping off a cliff to see who’ll hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.