Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
Are you suicide? Cause I'm trynna commit to you
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.
roses are red violets are blue if you ever feel alone i'm always watching you
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now
Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
Are you suicide, cause you're always on my mind
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
