Ares jokes
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.
Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
Wanna hear some famous last words?
"We are just experiencing some turbulence."
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.