Ares jokes
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?
Call their parents.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
What flowers are on your face?
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
The driving instructor.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.