Animal jokes
How do cows like to play games? Moobile (Mobile).
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
What do you call a pig doing a karate chop?
What do you call a cow?
A cow!
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the other side.
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
Did you adopt your dog?
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled egg.
You know why eggs can't tell jokes?
They crack each other up!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Grounded beef.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh f-i-s-h (and the eye).
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
What’s a cow with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.