Animal jokes

What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.

Why did the octopus cross the road?

To get to the douchebag's house.

Knock knock.

(It's the octopus.)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get ran over by a truck.

Why did the cow go to space?

To get ice cream!

I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.

Why's missy Shaw such a slug? Because she's obese. Hahahahahaha!

One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.

The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha

How do you know if a comedian is high?

Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.

What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry.

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!

Why can’t orphans have a horse?

Because they run away like their mum did.

What do dogs eat? Dog food.

Why did the cow cross the road? Because the chicken had corona.

So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.

My dog died.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!

Octopussy.