Animal jokes

How do you know if a comedian is high?

Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.

What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

My dog died.

Why did the cow cross the road? Because the chicken had corona.

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!

Why can’t orphans have a horse?

Because they run away like their mum did.

What do dogs eat? Dog food.

So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.

Octopussy.

What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!

What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?

Jurassic Park.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."

The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.

What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?

What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.

Why did the chicken cross to the U.S. from Mexico?

To get to the U.S., but he had to show his papers first.

Why did the disabled chicken cross the road?

To get its wheelchair!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was stapled to the punk rocker.