Why's missy Shaw such a slug? Because she's obese. Hahahahahaha!
Animal Jokes
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the douchebag's house.
Knock knock.
(It's the octopus.)
One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.
The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
Why can’t orphans have a horse?
Because they run away like their mum did.
What do dogs eat? Dog food.
Why did the cow cross the road? Because the chicken had corona.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
My dog died.
So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
Octopussy.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
