Animal jokes

Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

What’s a cow with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

What has a magic car? A magic dog.

Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!

Sister, can I see your two big rabbits?

Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.

A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

Nobody likes that joke.

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow," I said.

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow."

What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.

So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"

And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."

Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"

And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."

And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"

"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.

Why's missy Shaw such a slug? Because she's obese. Hahahahahaha!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get ran over by a truck.

Why did the cow go to space?

To get ice cream!

What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.

Why did the octopus cross the road?

To get to the douchebag's house.

Knock knock.

(It's the octopus.)

I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.

One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.

The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha