Animal jokes

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.

The duck walked up to the lemonade stand.

And he said to the man Running the stand, "Hey! Bomp bomp bomp Got any grapes?"

What goes moo? Cow.

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What has a magic car? A magic dog.

Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.

Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!

What’s a cow with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

I don't know either.

Why do you think I asked you? ;)

What do you call an amazing goat?

A goat-zing.

Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

Dad: 🦆

Kid: ?

Dad: 🦆🦆

Kid: Huh?

Dad: Ur too late...

Kid: WHAT!

Dad: .... GOOSE!

Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.

A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

Nobody likes that joke.

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow," I said.

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow."

What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.

So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"

And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."

Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"

And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."

And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"

"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.