Animal jokes

When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.

Teacher: What is a cow?

Kid: Meat.

Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?

Kid: Eggs.

Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?

Kid: Homework.

Why did a cheetah fart? It needed more gas.

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shelfies.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?

None, the rest fly away.

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.

Hi! I love my dog.

So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

UwU

Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”

The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.

My grandfather had the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the retard's house.

Knock knock. Who's there?

The chicken...

Why are bald eagles bald? Because you're bald!

How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-tickles.

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?

The dentist!