Animal jokes
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What type of bees give milk?
Boob-bees.
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
How do ducks fart?
Out their butt, quack.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
Hi! I love my dog.
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.