Animal jokes
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
How do ducks fart?
Out their butt, quack.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Memes
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
I kicked a goose, and I liked it!
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
Like if you blow male cows?
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
How to become a monkey?
Put a red dot on your forehead.
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
Hi! I love my dog.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
Why did a cheetah fart? It needed more gas.