Animal jokes
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
Why did the cow lick your mum?
Because she had a cream pie.
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
Memes
Why are theaters popular among cows?
They enjoy watching moovies.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
Why did the boy get a koala? He had the koalafications.
What do you call a 3 humped camel?
Answer: a prostitute from New York. 😂ðŸ˜ðŸ’€
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
What type of bees give milk?
Boob-bees.
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"