Animal jokes
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What type of bees give milk?
Boob-bees.
Memes
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
How do ducks fart?
Out their butt, quack.
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
How to become a monkey?
Put a red dot on your forehead.
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
Like if you blow male cows?
I kicked a goose, and I liked it!
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.