Animal jokes
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the British bastard and get the egg roll.
What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?
"Use the horse!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Silly cows go moo!
Kat, what? I did. A cat jump over the road because he believes he came flying in the clouds. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah! So funniest kitten kitten kitten kidding is my last time of Do you Joooooooooooooooooooooookin?
God is you... If you have a dog
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
What do you call a priest that is a furry?
A Catholic.
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.
Why did the robot cross the road?
Because he was programmed by the chicken!
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Biden: See you later, alligator!
Alligator: In a while, pedophile.
What do you call a brave octopus? Octobrave.
Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.
They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!
I am mis-steak.
What do you call a pig?
Pig.
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!