Animal jokes
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock. Who's there?
The chicken...
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
Ten-tickles.
Memes
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's door.
Knock, knock!
It's the chicken.
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
What bee can't fly?
Koby.
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!