Animal jokes
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?
Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!
That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An interrupting cow.
And inter-moo!
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?
At least gorillas don't abort their own.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Disabled.
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
I'm a cheetah, I cheat, duh?
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"