Animal jokes
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
Why don't sharks eat n****rs? They think it's whale shit.
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
Why did the chicken cross to the U.S. from Mexico?
To get to the U.S., but he had to show his papers first.
worst meme ever!!
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Friend: You look like a baboon.
Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!
Goats are so lazy these days. Computers have more RAM.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman? Frostbite!
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What makes a bird fly?
Bird food!
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.