Animal jokes
Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
Because they have their own scales.
What do you call a scared cow?
A COW-ard.
What do frogs eat?
French fries!
I mess up goats for unicorns?
Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.
I don't even know.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
What do you call mouse sneakers? Squeakers!
Why is it easy to weigh fish?
Because they have their own scales! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."