Animal jokes
Why didn't the koala make the football team? Because it got diskoalafied!
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
What are Africans' favorite game to play? Hungry hippos.
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
Memes
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.
What do you call an imposter octopus?
Octosus.
Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
What would you name your pet rabbit?
Harry.
What is cheetah's favorite taste to run fast?
Cheetah outta here!
Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?
A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄
Why did the chicken cross the road? To poo in the toilet.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What do you call a scared octopus?
An octopussy.