How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Animal Jokes
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What do you call a scared octopus?
An octopussy.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
Yo momma's so fat, when she bought a fur coat, all animals went extinct.
Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.
Why did the dinosaur take a bath?
So it can get ex-stinked!
Q: What kinda bees give milk?
A: Boobees.
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
