Animal jokes
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their feet smell!
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
Koalas are awesome!
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
What are Africans' favorite game to play? Hungry hippos.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What do you call a scared octopus?
An octopussy.
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
Why didn't the koala make the football team? Because it got diskoalafied!
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.