Animal jokes
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
Koalas are awesome!
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What do you call a scared octopus?
An octopussy.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
What are Africans' favorite game to play? Hungry hippos.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.