Animal jokes
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?
A fumble bee.
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow who?
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To cock-a-doodle die...
Why did the flamingo cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."
You know why eggs can't tell jokes?
They crack each other up!
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat-mate.
"Kylin milks me all day like I'm a cow."
A grasshopper tries playing cricket. It failed and got eaten by the bat.
A special quote: “No, Mackenzie! You're the savage beast!”
One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"
A student says: "Bacon!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"
A student says: "Eggs!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"
A student says: "Homework!"
The whole class laughs.
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔