Animal jokes
What do you call mouse sneakers? Squeakers!
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
Chicken on a stick with a macaroni tick.
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.
What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off!