Animal jokes
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off!
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
Chicken on a stick with a macaroni tick.
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.
What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?
A fumble bee.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow who?
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.