Animal jokes
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat!
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?
You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
Why did the qack go duck?
I don't know, rhydon deez. 4x2=8
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Grounded beef.
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler!
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Answer: Dam.
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
Why did the cheetah go to school?
To be a cheetah.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the fool's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.