Animal jokes
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Memes
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Disabled.
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.
What did the cow 🐄 watch? moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooovies 😂🐄🖥
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!