Animal jokes
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
Memes
Lmao
Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Disabled.
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
How many children does Explain Bear have?
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."