Animal jokes
I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
Roses are red, My cat try to kill your next >:)
What is the difference between babies and dogs?
I don't eat dog parts.
Why did I shoot my dog?
Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
What did The Notorious B.I.G. say to the cow?
- MOO MONEY MOO PROBLEMS
Animals are just... so hot!
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.