Animal jokes
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
What does the Fox say?
Fraka - kaka - kaka - kow.
What animal lies? A lion.
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.