Animal jokes
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to Chick-fil-A.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.
Memes
Any suggestions? Anything helps
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
It's chocolate chimp.
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?
A fumble bee.
Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
Why did the cow cross the road? To go to the moooooovies! Nyahahahahahahahahaha!
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"