Animal jokes
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
Why did the cow cross the road? To go to the moooooovies! Nyahahahahahahahahaha!
Why did the cow cross the road? Because he was riding the chicken!
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the playground?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Are you chicken me????!!!!
Rat
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles!
What type of bee can't fly...
Answer: Kobeee!
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
What did the policeman shout to the cow running away?
"Get to the ground, beef!"