Animal jokes
What is a fish without i's?
Fsh.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off!
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why are fish smart?
They live i a school.
Why are fish smart?
They live in a school.
What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
It's chocolate chimp.
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
They both hang from the tree.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Moas didn't even know that existed!
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!