Animal jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.
Why did the cheetah get in trouble at school?
Because he cheated on a test.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
😂 i live in a dream
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What's Superman's weaknesses? Kryptonite and horses.
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
What animal lies? A lion.
What does the Fox say?
Fraka - kaka - kaka - kow.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!