Animal jokes
What does the Fox say?
Fraka - kaka - kaka - kow.
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
Memes
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He forgot his eggs.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
My friend was annoying me with bird puns. I realized toucan play at this game.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
What do French ducks say?
Quoi quoi.
Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Disabled.
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.