Rescue jokes
Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.
A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.
I was in the Sahara Desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, Pionel Pessi, the debut man, came to my rescue👨🚒. He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles; "big games," he replied. Thanks for saving my life, my idol.
Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!
Red: snooore, snoooore
Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*
Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*
Chuck VS RED
Both LOSE!
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
What do you call a rapper who's also a firefighter?
BLAZE RHYMES.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.
Garuda Indonesia 421:
Sully's co-pilot:
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.
After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.
And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"
God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
We saved a transvestite in a tight mini skirt from a tree.
I thought I showed a lot of balls.
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.
"Eugheugh," said the boy.