Analog jokes
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Dark humor is like water.
Some people get it, others don't.
Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.