Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Listen here, you cotton-headed ninny muggins. You are comparing life to a roll of toilet paper. Like, life gets crappier and goes by faster the closer you are to dying. And the phrase "trying to shit on ya" means that people will treat you badly.