Analog jokes
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
Humor is like food, not everybody gets it.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.
COVID is like fashion…
We started hearing about it in Italy…
Became popular in LA and NYC…
Florida ignored it…
And it was all made in China in the end.
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
Dark humor is like water.
Some people get it, others don't.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"