Always jokes

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.

Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?