Always jokes
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.
Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?
Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”
What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.
Why don’t rappers tell secrets?
Because they always end up DROPPING it.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.