Always jokes
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Why will America always lose in chess?
It lost its two towers!
Louis' IQ is like his running; always two points below average.
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
Memes
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
I find this website. I see this person named Gwen. I simp for her, but just for a troll. Next thing I know, we're somehow dating? Then her ex comes in and dates her again. Apparently, he is gay, and I'm pretty sure Gwen could be a boy, but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let y'all know this isn't really supposed to be a dating app or drama app, it's a joke app, and this isn't really a joke. But one last thing, you guys are all b*tches...
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
Why was the rapper always calm?
Because he had FLOW-ZEN.
Why was the booty so good at poker?
Because it always had a good PAIR.
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
I swear every time I walk past a guy, they stare at my ass. I always keep wondering why it hurts so much.
Coworker, why is Sara so blue?
Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.
What do cells always have on them?
A cell phone!
A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.
Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."
The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!
Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"
The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.
Man: "Dolly!"
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!