Always jokes
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.
Friend: "Your jokes are too short."
Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."
Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."
Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."
Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
Why is Helen Keller's snatch always sore?
She wipes with a Brillo pad.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Why will America always lose in chess?
It lost its two towers!
The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
Louis' IQ is like his running; always two points below average.
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
I find this website. I see this person named Gwen. I simp for her, but just for a troll. Next thing I know, we're somehow dating? Then her ex comes in and dates her again. Apparently, he is gay, and I'm pretty sure Gwen could be a boy, but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let y'all know this isn't really supposed to be a dating app or drama app, it's a joke app, and this isn't really a joke. But one last thing, you guys are all b*tches...
I swear every time I walk past a guy, they stare at my ass. I always keep wondering why it hurts so much.
Coworker, why is Sara so blue?
Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
Why was the booty so good at poker?
Because it always had a good PAIR.
Why was the rapper always calm?
Because he had FLOW-ZEN.