Watcher jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.

*I was actually up all night watching.*

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?

They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

The happier they get, the less they see.

Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I saw it through my telescope last night.