Aed jokes
I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.
A boy's hairline is always in the back of his head, and its shape is like a check mark.
My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.
"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"
"He died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."
(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"
What's the smartest insect? A spelling bee!
Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.
A strong woman.
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.
Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.
That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.
What do you call an emo with knife cuts on their wrist?
A barcode.
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
Your forehead is so big, it takes the sun a year to shine on every part of it.
Me running from the table where the Emo table with a happy meal.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"