Aed jokes
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.
A son asked his mom: "Why are the lines in the LGBTQ community flag straight?"
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog? It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
My dick said that your ass is having a boner.
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.
Your momma is so ugly, the director thought she was a real zombie.
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
Why is Biden a priest?
So kids call him father.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see a butterfly.
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
I was wearing a mask and told the teacher I ate her vagina. She said what? I pulled my mask down and said, "No, I said I like your hyenas." Then a kid sees me do it, but he only heard the first part, so he goes up to the teach and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight." She said, "Pull your mask down," and he pulls his mask down and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight."