Aed jokes

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

An autistic man walks into a bra.

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

What should you use to battle a T-Rex?

A dino-sword.

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?

Beef strokin' off.

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?

A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).

I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.

And then it hit me.

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

He got ran over by a bus.

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

Throw a plate.

It’s broken, right?

Say “sorry” to it.

Did it fix back?

No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)

Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."

A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"

He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.

The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.