Aed jokes
If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”
He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”
Q: What's black, white, and Asian?
A: A panda!
One day I woke up and went on my phone. Some "pussy" was calling me. I answered it and said, "Hello, pussy?" and a pussy pic showed up.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't have a home plate.
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚⁉️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: The U.S. in 1919!
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
Diabetic wives are like Cillit Bang. Squeeze them a bit and bang! The bed is gone.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?