Aed jokes

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

"I love you, you too. I-eeeeeee was the night. Time is it when you you get a typical sleep night. Is oooooooo, is it a walk home was the night night and a tree is it?"

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."

The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d never play a country song backwards for you!

A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:

Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"

Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"

Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"

Hey, what do you call a beta simp?

You call me the beta simp.

A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

I always fail on committing.

How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home.

The details are SKETCHY! :)

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.