Aed jokes

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?

A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).

What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?

Beef strokin' off.

I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.

And then it hit me.

Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?

'Cause they'll eat the bat!

"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.

"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"

Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.

What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?

The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.

My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

Why did Michael Jackson die?

Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.

How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?

"No, you hang yourself first..."

There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

Your forehead is so big that we may as well call it a fivehead.

What’s an orphan's favorite food?

: Not home food.