Aed jokes
What do you call a PEIS?
Roses are red, I have no money, I want to be dominated by a goth mommy.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?
Does it cycle now?
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Why are orphans so bad at playing poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
Why do orphans love chips?
Because every bag of chips is family size.
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!