Aed jokes
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
So three retards walk into a classroom...
Sike, it was the garbage. They mistook it for their classroom.
What would you call a gay man's couch? A Homo Sectional.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?
Because he successfully finished a race!
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
I threw a boomerang years ago. Now I live in constant fear.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?
Cutting-edge Technology.
What do you call a bad pun? The pun is not punny!
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.