Aed jokes
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Why can't Columbus be offered a professional football team?
Because then Cincinnati would want one too.
A man was at the temperature -273.15°C. He was OK.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.