Aed jokes
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
Hi Jake!
Wanna hear a joke?
Police brutality.
Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
A. Kids turn them on.
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
Were you born on a highway? Because that's where accidents mostly happen.
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
I know 5 fat people; you're 4 of them.
Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!
What is a cow's favorite dance move?
The milkshake.
What is a testicle's favorite book?
Put Tony's Nuts in Your Mouth!
Warning! Cringe Alert!
What happens when you leave your phone at jail?
It becomes a cell phone.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
What is a kid who loves school?
A smart kid.
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
I have a match!
My ass, your face.