Aed jokes

After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.

I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.

Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.

People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.

A black man entered a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says, "That looks exotic, where’d you get it?"

"Africa," the parrot responded.

Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.

Who is the best at musical chairs?

The kid in the wheelchair.

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.

Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.

Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."

If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.

What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.

Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?

Fingering A minor.