Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.
what do you call a dad in the mirror?
( Your imagination )
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy
when you loose a game of Kahoot so you kashoot up the school
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex? One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at the other one is a coconut.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40 year old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
I got detention for giving a emo kid a happy meal
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
