Aed jokes
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
Chuck Norris and Time had a race.
Result: Time is still running...
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.