Aed jokes

I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.

If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.

I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.

I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

"Oh, right. How's it going?"

"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

"Wow! What about NATO?"

"They haven't turned up yet."

How did they lose 2 Towers?

Reason: They just fell, just like how it did in Jenga.

(I d*n't care if it's a bad joke, ok?)

The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...

The cat still died, why?

It had a Catastrophic Catcident.

Do you have a halo?

'Cause I can give it to you.

Yo mama so fat when The Rock hit her with a Rock Bottom, her big fat ass belly let all the pizza explode out of her belly!

What's black and white and red all over? A police brutality case.

What do you call a skeleton's omelet?

A bonelet.

A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

You. You're a joke.

What is a monkey's favorite game? A Hangman!

If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?

What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?

Boy's pants are half off.