Aed jokes
A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.
Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
I
FCC’s
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After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?
Because she had a make-up exam.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.
Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.
Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.
Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.
Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
I put glue in a man :)
What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.