Aed jokes
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
Cool, new word of the day: Marijuana.
“Does Marry wanna smoke a joint?”
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"
She started crying.
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Guys, do not follow Tom, he is super inappropriate. I did a 48-hour face reveal and this is what he said:
Tom 13 minutes ago Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ur so cute I wanna fuck your pussy so hard you look amazing I luv ur face come have sex with me mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
Hot water look a**.
Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.