Aed jokes
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
What do you call someone with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?
Fruit punch.
Why was Hitler banned from Formula One?
He could never finish a race.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
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I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
What do you get if you cross Damian Lillard and a watch?
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.
Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.
Followed by landing in deep shit.
Followed by being totally covered in sea men.