Aed jokes

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

We should give whoever killed Hitler a statue. Oh wait, never mind.

Why can't orphans ride a bike?

'Cause their parents won't follow them.

What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?

Glockamole.

Draco Malfoy had a wand fight in the bathroom.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?

The baseball player knows where home base is.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?

I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

James Bond: Vodka martini.

Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."