Aed jokes
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it would be a piece of cake! 🎂😂
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?
Con Fuckacarcass.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.