Aed jokes
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
Yep
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
What does Joe Biden call a room full of kids? A toy room.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
Why couldn't the orphan go on the school field trip?
Because it required a parent's signature.
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
You're so ugly that even the World Trade Center got a better transformation than you.
What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?
The apple... the emo just hangs there.
Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.