Aed jokes

My dad told me I'm a failure.

I failed a math test.

Good thing there's a pole outside my house.

My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.

A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.

Why did the students eat their homework?

Because the teacher said it would be a piece of cake! 🎂😂

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?

You've got a lot of problems!

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

What's in a man's mouth when he realizes he's gay?

A dick.

One day I threw a boomerang...

Now I live in constant fear.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

What's a chicken's deadliest day?

Friday.

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.