Aed jokes
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)
So, I met a boy, and he said he would be happy to be a cannibal because if we all were, we could stop overpopulation and world hunger. And I was like 😍😍😍😍🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
Yo mama so fat, she uses a mattress as a diaper.
What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
He's dead.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"